IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. What are the drawbacks of this education system and mention some solutions

#people #education #countries #society #system
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education is mainly considered a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 to achieve the majority of goals in life.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that academic
instructions
Fix the agreement mistake
instruction
show examples
 cannot assist
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 to make a living in some parts of the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
. There are a variety of possible reasons for
this
Linking Words
, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem. In fact, three main factors are to blame for the mentioned problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the large proportion of
Use synonyms
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
show examples
 tuition fees has resulted in quitting
schools
Use synonyms
 and classes by a large number of pupils.
For instance
Linking Words
, almost 42% of Iranian
students
Use synonyms
 gave up on attending classes mainly because of poverty.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Academical environments are acting poorly in providing great educational
system
Change the noun form
systems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as sufficient
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and expert teachers.
Finally
Linking Words
, tens of thousands of community college
students
Use synonyms
 are still taking unessential courses at
schools
Use synonyms
 like arts, history and death languages, which are not helpful in making money.
Education
Add an article
The education
show examples
 system can be certainly improved in order to help people earn money. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, change must start developing
schools
Use synonyms
, which need to hire more skilled tutors and adequate class tools to provide
students
Use synonyms
 with better learning
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, by providing special loans or eliminating large tuition fees for poor
students
Use synonyms
, more pupils would be able to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes and be more effective in society in terms of making money in the future. At the same time,
schools
Use synonyms
 can conduct more useful courses, mathematics, physics and economy,
for example
Linking Words
, which will later assist them
finding
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 suitable jobs and improve society‘s financial condition
as well as
Linking Words
 themselves.
To conclude
Linking Words
, society will continue to face worse financial problems unless
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 environments, necessary courses, teachers and sufficient training
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 be conducted effectively by countries’ education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Submitted by aamin.1245 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: