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Writing Samples
Band 6

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The invention of electronic
devices
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such
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 as computers and televisions makes
people
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 move less, which has a negative impact on their
health
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. I am completely agreed and think the newest
devices
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 are distracting
people
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,
also
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, posing some serious threats to
people
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's well-being.
First,
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people
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 have always been distracted by technology, but with the invention of
devices
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 like smartphones and laptops,
this
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 has become even more prevalent. Cell phones, laptops, and other electronic
devices
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 can be major distractions technologies, often causing
people
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 to lose focus on what they’re doing.
For instance
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, in work and study settings,
people
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 are often interrupted by notifications or emails, which can take away from their productivity. After
invention
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the invention
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 of
smartphones
Add a comma
,smartphones
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 society has become more distracted by these than anything else.
Secondly
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, the latest technologies can keep silent as long as their parents want,
however
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, because of
this
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 long hours of screen time can cause
verity
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variety
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Use synonyms
health
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of health
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 issues and gaining weight. Children started spending nearly all of their sedentary time
for
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apply
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playing video games or watching television.
This
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 encourages mindless snacking, which ends up causing significant weight gain.
Additionally
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,
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due to
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apply
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excessive use of phones may lead to some concerning
health
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 problems
such
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 as poor posture or neck pain and It is worse if you are in
Correct article usage
the ages
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 of maturing.
For example
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, researchers have found a strong link between
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of exercise
due to
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 excessive computer and television use to obesity in children.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that new gadgets
encourages
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encourage
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 procrastinating and leads to some serious
health
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 issue

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