As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The invention of electronic
devices
such
as computers and televisions makes
people
move less, which has a negative impact on their
health
. I am completely agreed and think the newest
devices
are distracting
people
,
also
, posing some serious threats to
people
's well-being.
First,
people
have always been distracted by technology, but with the invention of
devices
like smartphones and laptops,
this
has become even more prevalent. Cell phones, laptops, and other electronic
devices
can be major distractions technologies, often causing
people
to lose focus on what they’re doing.
For instance
, in work and study settings,
people
are often interrupted by notifications or emails, which can take away from their productivity. After
invention
Add an article
the invention
show examples
of
smartphones
Add a comma
,smartphones
show examples
society has become more distracted by these than anything else.
Secondly
, the latest technologies can keep silent as long as their parents want,
however
, because of
this
long hours of screen time can cause
verity
Correct your spelling
variety
show examples
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
issues and gaining weight. Children started spending nearly all of their sedentary time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video games or watching television.
This
encourages mindless snacking, which ends up causing significant weight gain.
Additionally
,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excessive use of phones may lead to some concerning
health
problems
such
as poor posture or neck pain and It is worse if you are in
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
of maturing.
For example
, researchers have found a strong link between
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of exercise
due to
excessive computer and television use to obesity in children.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that new gadgets
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
procrastinating and leads to some serious
health
issue
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: