IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

smacking children is the best form of discipline. to what extent do you agree or disagree. Givethe reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

#children #form #discipline #givethe
Children
 are the future generation of a country, so it is essential to grow up
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in a disciplined way. Smacking
children
 is a common practice among parents,
while
 a few adhere to peaceful strategies. In my point view, I believe we should not punish little ones,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 we could teach them things nicely. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate more on
this
 point with examples. Most parents are punishing
children
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days, even for small issues. If we evaluate the reason for that, most of the time, it is just because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are busy and tired. They don't have
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 and energy to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with small ones.
Further
, we expect that the child will listen to us
queitly
Correct your spelling
quietly
 and obey our commands. But in
practically
Replace the word
practice
show examples
, it will not
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
.
Instead
, he or she will ask so many questions and seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our love and attention. If we are not in
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 psychological state, we will fail to tolerate their behaviour and we will just shout at them. Not only that, but
also
, we may punish them
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
.
This
 has so many adverse consequences of
this
.
Children
 are like flowers and they grow based on what we feed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. If we provide them love,
kind
Replace the word
kindness
show examples
, smile and other sort of positive things, they will be a blessing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. If we treat them with
cruel
Replace the word
cruelty
show examples
, anger, hate and other negative things, they will turn
in to
Correct your spelling
into
show examples
 criminals,
rapist
Fix the agreement mistake
rapists
show examples
 and haters. A recent journal article has
revelaed
Correct your spelling
revealed
 that more than 70% of criminals they studied in the USA, have a history of childhood neglect or abuse. In conclusion,
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 smacking is not the way to form
descipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
.
Instead
, there are other positive approaches
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 adults can follow. We do have a huge responsibility to grow up our daughter and/or son as good humans
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 world.
Submitted by chathuranispt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: