IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today, more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #thirties #children #development
Nowadays more individuals postpone their
marriage
 and make up their family until their thirties.
This
 essay will discuss
up
Correct article usage
the up
show examples
 and down sides of
this
 decision. Being aware of your personality and your needs are fundamental to building a successful
marriage
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people must shoulder the pressure of their studies and the crisis of achieving their carrier goals in the age range of 18 to 29 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can't spend time as needed to get to know what they desire in their personal life.
Therefore
 getting married in
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 4th decade of their life gives them sufficient time to know themselves
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 enough to find a better match than in their 20s.
In addition
, managing the probable problems in a
marriage
 requires some experience and a spirit which you can't gain in your early adulthood.
This
 gives you the opportunity to understand
thoughts
Correct article usage
the thoughts
show examples
 and emotions of your partner in a more effective way. That's perhaps the reason that scientists claim you will have to ruin at least seven relationships before you become mature enough to become capable of creating a happy coupling.
On the other hand
, the older you get the more troubles you will encounter in the case of having healthy offspring. The results of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recent research show that 35% of children born in their mothers' mid-thirty suffer from less intelligence and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher risk of cardiovascular and blood disease. In conclusion,
although
 late
marriage
 has its own disadvantages, we can't ignore that all the bright sides weigh more
Submitted by mahsa_hasanikousha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • matrimonial timing
  • fertility issues
  • career-oriented
  • financial security
  • societal norms
  • generational divide
  • personal fulfillment
  • personality development
  • biological clock
  • extended adolescence
  • family planning
  • child rearing
  • socioeconomic factors
  • traditional milestones
What to do next:
Look at other essays: