The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is a belief stating that in the
future
, there is a possibility that the average standard of people
's health
will decrease compared to how it is now. I personally disagree with this
statement and think that in
Change preposition
on
contrary
, Correct article usage
the contrary
people
's health
will generally see an increase in the future
.
Firstly
, wide access towards information made available through the internet
allows Capitalize word
Internet
people
to increase their awareness towards their respective health
conditions. Having this
awareness becomes key to improving their health
condition
(which will consequently
increase the average standard of people
's health
) because once someone is aware of the state of their physique, they can identify areas that need tending to and do any precautionary procedures needed to prevent their health
condition
from deteriorating even further
. For example
, if I were to undergo any symptoms
of discomfort, I can resort to a health
consultation application where I can directly be in contact to
doctors who will diagnose my Change preposition
with
symptoms
and prescribe the necessary medications for myself. This
process is a lot more direct compared to previous times where
I would need to come to the hospital in person to get the same consultation about my Correct word choice
when
symptoms
from the same doctors, and having the
access to Correct article usage
apply
this
application shall create better
level of average standard Correct article usage
a better
health
.
Secondly
, advancement in medical technology makes it possible to cure some illnesses that could not have been cured prior to the discovery of these technologies. The landscape of hospitals, wherein surgeries and examinations of patients are conducted, have
experienced major changes in the past decades, and the possibility of technological advancements is endless for the Correct subject-verb agreement
has
future
as well. This
makes people
with illnesses can have higher
possibility of recovery, increasing their average standard of Correct article usage
a higher
health
. Moreover
, innovations in detection
of Add an article
the detection
symptoms
can also
contribute in
preventing illnesses, making Change preposition
to
people
's life expectancy go higher. My family has experienced these innovations as well, where my mother's condition
can be identified through this
more advanced technology, which eventually allowed her to be tended to by the necessary surgery.
In conclusion, it would be more likely for people
in the future
to see that their average standard of health
be
higher compared to now. Wide information access Change the verb form
is
have
made it possible for Change the verb form
has
people
to identify their health
condition
more quickly and create the necessary action steps needed, and the advancements in technology used within the medical field have also
created possibilities for doctors to advise more curative and preventive acts that can help people
achieve better life expectancy and greater
level of Add an article
a greater
average
standard of Add an article
the average
health
.Submitted by tania.ekoputri on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential for a well-structured essay. However, make sure to briefly indicate the main points you will discuss to strengthen your introduction.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear, and your main points are thoroughly discussed. To enhance your task response even further, ensure that all examples given are explicitly tied back to the broader argument to avoid any potential ambiguity.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has good logical progression, be cautious with repetitive phrases. Using various cohesive devices will make your writing more fluent and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-constructed, and the flow of information is smooth. Ensure that all topic sentences effectively summarize the subsequent points to maintain coherence, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and concluding with a powerful conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provide strong examples from personal experience that support your main ideas, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion successfully sums up the points discussed and reinforces your stance, which is a strong way to end your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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