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Band 4

Many people decide on career path early on their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have satisfying working life?

#people #career #path #lives #life
A number of employees may agree that constructing
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 career early and staying on it is required as a way to acquire comfortable working routines. As a worker, I have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 perspective
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the earlier people's notion which will be detailed in the following paragraphs.
Moreover
, there will be another straightforward occasion which can be implemented in order to create
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
the enjoyable
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 working circle.
To begin
 with, building an exceptional career early and focusing on it can create
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 ecosystem inasmuch as they will have
comprehensive
Correct article usage
a comprehensive
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 understanding when they finish their daily routines. Based on that, workers can do their jobs exceptionally which will increase productivity.
As a result
, numerous compliments can be reached and production will be operated without any obstacles which can release
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfaction
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 in the internal circle of
corporation
Add an article
the corporation
a corporation
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.
For example
, I initiated my profession
couple
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a couple
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 of years ago without altering
corporation
Correct article usage
the corporation
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 which gave satisfying
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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. Turning to another action, making sure that all duties in the company will fit with
worker's
Correct article usage
the worker's
show examples
 background may
gives
Wrong verb form
give
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 a consequence that the employee will relish their responsibilities.
For instance
, I just selected the perfect profession based on my academic track as a way to make sure I could do my
deskjobs
Correct your spelling
desk jobs
 excellently.
Consequently
, there was no enormous issue when I was a part of
corporation
Correct article usage
a corporation
show examples
 previously and I always did my routines with cheerful condition.
In other words
, from the previous illustration, having tasks which are relevant
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
worker's
Correct article usage
the worker's
show examples
credential
Fix the agreement mistake
credentials
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 can avoid massive problems later.
To conclude
, I redeclare that having a supporting circle in our working life can be done by initiating professional
record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
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 untimely and staying
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on it.
In addition
, an occasion
such
 as fitting duties which will be done with our qualification is required to realize the earlier condition.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your arguments and strengthen your points.
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