IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that exercise is the key to good health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet #side
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In modern days, activity and
diet
Use synonyms
 is plays an important role from day to day
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and provide strength and a lot of goodness. It is often argued by some that task is most beneficial, it develops functional organs and maintains body fitness. Meanwhile, others argue that a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is more helpful,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
 provides
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 rich nutrients.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of
argument
Add an article
the argument
an argument
show examples
 before reaching a logical opinion in the following paragraphs. Based on my knowledge, the former group focuses that regular act enables them to live or life free from diseases. As few
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
show examples
 indulge themselves in activities
such
Linking Words
 as jogging, walking, cycling and swimming, they burn excess calories and
this
Linking Words
 helps them to lose weight and more merits for mind and body organs.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the World Health Ministry revealed that geriatric persons who suffer
modern
Change preposition
from modern
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 like obesity, hypertension and diabetes mellitus because they are practising walking and maintaining day-to-day warm-up action to control the disease level and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
state
Correct article usage
the state
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 of health.
Hence
Linking Words
,
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 play an important role in maintaining
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
healthy
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the advocates of the idea that having a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is even more significant. Most of the reason why they think
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
 because of poor quality foods that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 consume these days. In many markets or shopping malls, organic food products and food which are free from chemicals are hardly found.
For instance
Linking Words
, Many Researches have proven that a
diet
Use synonyms
 which is balanced in vitamins and minerals, which is free from any chemicals is essential to keep
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 healthy.
Thus
Linking Words
, nutrients based
diet
Use synonyms
 is more helpful to ensure good health.
However
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 both performance and a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 are extremely beneficial on their own ways. It is a matter of choice, like in which pattern
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 population are more comfortable.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having the habit of lesson and nutrients foods makes you a healthy
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. But activity is maintained
functional
Change preposition
by functional
show examples
 body organs and fitness free
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 lifelong.
Although
Linking Words
, I should accept the fact that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
problem is more important in
this
Linking Words
 case.
Submitted by ammumahes2019 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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