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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recent years have witnessed a debate about whether investing in encouraging people to stay healthy should be given more importance than saving the ill.
While
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 many patients are in demand of support from the government and community, I hold the belief that preventing illness should be prioritized over curing. On the one hand, it is a big challenge for the poor to resolve their health issues when living on a tight budget.
This
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 is the reason why there is a need for financial aid from the public.
For instance
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, many children who are new-born have to deal with physical disabilities but their parents cannot afford to find proper
treatment
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.
As a consequence
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, in a real sense, a lot of fund-raising campaigns from not-for-profit organizations operate to implement the mission of bringing a better life for the unlucky.
Nevertheless
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, for a variety of reasons, it would be wrong if the emphasis is placed mostly on the
treatment
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.
Instead
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, promoting healthy lifestyles will be of great significance in declining the illness.
To begin
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 with, many patients fall into a certain disease
as a result
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 of lacking knowledge and not being health-conscious.
Hence
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, there should be propaganda programs to alert people about the consequences of unhealthy lifestyles
as well as
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 how to stay away from dangerous illnesses. To illustrate, during the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 period, the Vietnamese medical authority implemented numerous communication campaigns to convey 5K regulations in order to raise people's awareness about how to stay safe during
this
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 pandemic, which
brought
Verb problem
had
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 a profound effect at that time.
Furthermore
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, encouraging a healthy lifestyle has a perennial impact on society. If most of the population has focused on health issues
,
Correct word choice
and, thus
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thus
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, has better physical and mental well-being, the budget investing in
treatment
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 can be spent on other urgent problems like poverty or education.
To conclude
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,
although
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 providing
treatment
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 support is necessary, I do believe that preventing is better than curing diseases.
Therefore
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, there is a need to plough ahead with social projects to establish healthy living habits.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the main topic and supporting points. Use topic sentences and linking words to create a clear and logical structure in the essay.
Task Response
Provide a more thorough discussion on the reasons behind the opinion and use specific examples to support each argument. Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced manner.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
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