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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the information about a US bus company between 1999 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the information about a US bus company between 1999 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #information #bus #company #summarise #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 bar
charts
Change the determiner
chart
show examples
 illustrates a
comparasion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between the percentages of actual and
target
Use synonyms
buses
Use synonyms
 arriving on
time
Use synonyms
 between 1999 and 2003. The second bar reflects the number of
complaints
Use synonyms
 ( per thousand
passanger's
Correct your spelling
passenger's
passenger
passengers
 journeys ) between 1999 and 2003 too.
Overall
Linking Words
, the gap in percentage between the actual and
target
Use synonyms
buses
Use synonyms
 arriving on
time
Use synonyms
 decreased over the
last
Linking Words
 4 years,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
complaints
Use synonyms
 kept on
incrreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 and reached its
maximium
Correct your spelling
maximum
 in 2003. The
differance
Correct your spelling
difference
 in percentage between
between
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the actual and
target
Use synonyms
 of
buses
Use synonyms
 arriving on
time
Use synonyms
 was exceeding 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1999, 2001 and 2002. In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
2000
Add a comma
,2000
show examples
 the actual average bus arrival
time
Use synonyms
 was 82% ,
while
Linking Words
 the
target
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 was 86%.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, in 2003
buses
Use synonyms
 arrived in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 accurate
time
Use synonyms
 than expected
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 85%,
while
Linking Words
 the
target
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 was just above 84%.
Although
Linking Words
 the
improvemnt
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
 in
arrival
Correct article usage
the arrival
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 of
buses
Use synonyms
 was
evidant
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evident
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
complaints
Use synonyms
 were
increaseing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 gradually over the years. Starting with 70
complaints
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 in 1999 and reaching a
peek
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
 of 120
complaint
Change to a plural noun
complaints
show examples
 in 2003. The only year that showed a dip in the number of
complaints
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001 with 80
complaints
Use synonyms
 only.
Submitted by e.g.slais on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words target, buses, time, complaints with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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