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Band 5

Poor infrastructure hinders under-developed countries from progressing and modernizing. Some people think that it should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid. To what extent you aree with it?

#infrastructure #countries #people #first #aid #aree
Some people believe that
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 progressing and modernizing in poor-developed
states
, caused by bad infrastructure has to be solved by foreign
countries
.
This
 may be indeed, because
such
states
, which are called “
Countries
 of the 3rd world” don’t have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to develop only using their resources, whether they are human or economic
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I’m going to support the idea of
given
Add an article
a given
the given
show examples
 topic and provide some examples. First of all, under-developed
countries
 are mostly African
states
, which experience
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of education. Unfortunately, only the richest can afford to pay for university or even school for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 children.
Hence
, the
problem
 with poor infrastructure
directly
Add a missing verb
is directly
show examples
 linked
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a lack of
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
.
According to
this
 information, it is clear, that foreign aid is vital in
this
 area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because without external support
countries
 of the 3rd world will never progress
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a normal pace and will be always outsiders.
Secondly
,
such
states
 experience much more serious issues, which require immediate
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
,
for instance
, the
problem
 of poverty. More than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
Correct article usage
the citizen
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of these
countries
 live on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can’t afford any housing. So, infrastructure issues are not
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 ones, so foreign support is vital in
this
 area.
On the other hand
,
internal
Correct article usage
the internal
show examples
 affairs of a particular state are only a
problem
 of
this
 state, and foreign aid
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 receiving side a debtor.
Hence
,
intervention
Add an article
the intervention
show examples
 of
such
 assistants can lead to
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of dependence of a poorly developed country on a more developed one,
for example
 in political terms. Taking into account
this
 fact, foreign help can damage
recipient
Correct article usage
the recipient
show examples
, not help. In conclusion, I would like to say that, I believe that well-developed
countries
 should take care of poor ones gratuitously
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because supporting others only in terms of greed can
led
Change the form of the verb
lead
show examples
 to dramatic consequences.
Submitted by glebpopov5555 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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