IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The above chart depicts the amount of money that was paid by
Brishtish
Correct your spelling
British
 parents for
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
kids'sports
Correct your spelling
kids sports
 from 2008 to 2014
while
 the below chart illustrates how many children
participating
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in three different sports during the same years. As can be seen from the first chart, the fee that parents from Britain spent on a monthly basis on their children's sports experienced an upward trend
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 the years.
Besides
, football was by far the most popular sport among the three activities.,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to athletics and swimming. In terms of the average monthly fee, there was a significant increase in the amount of money which
recorded
Add a missing verb
was recorded
show examples
 at 20
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 in 2008 before reaching its peak at nearly 32
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 by 2014.
In addition
, soccer maintained its dominance over the surveyed period with approximately 8
million
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
enrollment
Replace the word
enrolled
show examples
 each year
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 For the second position, the number of young individuals who took part in athletics fluctuated within the range of 0.5
million
 to just under 5
million
 by the end of the
give
Change the verb form
given
show examples
 time. Turning to
swimming
Change the verb form
swim
show examples
, the figure for young participants increased gradually from 2
million
 to 4
million
 over the 7 years period
Submitted by nguyenvutrucmy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: