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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #literature #history #country #countries
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Some people believe that it is more essential to teach
children
 the
literature
 and
history
 of their own
country
 rather than other countries. In my view, I agree that
children
 should study and research the books and historical events of their own
country
. There are a number of reasons why
children
 should study national
literature
 and
history
. The first reason is
children
 love to study about the place where they live, ideas, culture and
history
 of their own
country
, they will begin to develop their awareness about national sovereignty, economic and social of the
country
, respect the culture, the law and the rights of citizens. At the same time, these activities
also
 attract parents to participate in learning and sharing with their
children
 and help their
children
 with school work, and there is educational continuity across the generations. Vietnamese
children
,
for example
, read Tat den and learn about the Linebacker II campaign merely as their parents did, and there is educational continuity across the generations.
Finally
, learning national
literature
 and
history
 gives educators a narrower teaching scope and easier design or making curriculum.
By contrast
, studying the global past and novels could cause unnecessary difficulty and confusion for students.
For example
, there is no point in presenting American and Chinese
history
 to a Vietnamese child who has not yet studied their own
country
’s past. Surely, the child would be more able to comprehend historical events that took place in Hanoi than in New York or Beijing.
Similarly
, teaching international
literature
 is likely to require the training of a foreign teacher or the use of translations. Students from primary or secondary schools are basically not ready for
such
 complications. In conclusion, I think that it is hard for schools to cover aspects of foreign
history
 or
literature
, they should teach national culture
instead
.
Submitted by amusetour14 on

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task response
The essay provides a somewhat relevant response to the prompt, but lacks depth and thorough development of the ideas. It is important to present a more comprehensive and balanced argument, including counter-arguments and more detailed supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but need improvement in terms of clarity and development. The body paragraphs lack clear structure and transition between ideas. It is important to work on organizing the essay in a more coherent manner, with clear topic sentences and logical flow of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • national identity
  • cultural heritage
  • historical milestones
  • cultural narratives
  • global awareness
  • empathy
  • cultural diversity
  • international relationships
  • critical thinking
  • comparative analysis
  • interconnectedness
  • well-rounded educational experience
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