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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the cause of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
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It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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 fact that more and more young people come across a number of
pressures
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 which are mainly from
curriculum
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the curriculum
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, social and
also
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 trading approaches
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today's
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in today's
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time
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.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the reasons
of
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for
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this
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 phenomenon and
also
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 suggest some ways to
allivate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
 the problem.
I
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amI
wasI
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sure people protect
children
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 from
danger
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the danger
a danger
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 which is mounting
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pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
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.
Children
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 have
such
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 academic problems.
Today
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's
child
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 is not competing with other
children
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are living next door,
of
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or
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 even
of
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in
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 one's town or nation. They are competing with the
child
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 where are
global
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a global
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 village. In the past the huge planet Earth is
a
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apply
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small
well-linked
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and well-linked
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on
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to
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today
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's global village. Their
children
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 wanted to excel by
parents
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 in each area.
Parents
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 send their
children
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 to the best , where their
children
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's school bags are heavier than their
child
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 itself.
Children
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 have private lessons after school. They don'
t
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 have extra
time
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 to bring out their hidden abilities. More
children
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 have many social and commercial
pressures
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. Socially the
children
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 of
today
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's
time
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 are living in a big dilemma.
Children
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 want to live in global culture but their
parents
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 require
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 live in
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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 way. Sometimes
this
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 makes them disobedient in
opposite
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the opposite
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 direction to rules laid by their grandparents or their
parents
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. After that
children
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also
Linking Words
 encounter peer pressure, they
also
Linking Words
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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 good if their peers are good but when their peers are bad, both of them will be very
rebel
Replace the word
rebellious
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.
This
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 peer
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pressures
Change the determiner
pressure
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makes
Change the verb form
make
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 them with the consumerist society of
today
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 next it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lead to much stress and
also
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 it can
be makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them quick to nervous. The
lastest
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latest
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 model of technology
for example
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 phones, laptops and other things when
children
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 see them with their friends they want to get them. They are unable to do so and their
parents
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 resist something,
then
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children
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 get stressed. The
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
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 is not easy.
Parents
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 should be caring and kind to their
children
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 and
also
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children
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 have
to
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apply
show examples
realistic expectations
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
parents
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.
Then
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Thay
Correct your spelling
they
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 should be
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 extra
time
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to
Change preposition
with
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 their
children
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.The biggest responsibility is on the schools and teachers. Teachers should try to bring out the best in each
child
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 and should competition and co-operation be taught at the same
time
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. If
children
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 don'
t
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 win, they will annoy but they shouldn'
t
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 do that, the aim of
competition
Add an article
the competition
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 is other.
Children
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 have to be taught to win with modesty and
also
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 lose with elegance. Summing up, we haven'
t
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 got any doubt that
children
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 of
today
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 are encountering so
more
Correct quantifier usage
much more
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 and more
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pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
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however
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 steps should be taken on
war
Correct article usage
a war
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 footing to keep safe their innocent childhood.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
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 these
pressures
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 will stifle
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 which are physical and psychological.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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