Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the cause of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
fact that more and more young people come across a number of
pressures
which are mainly from
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
, social and
also
trading approaches
today's
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in today's
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time
.
This
essay intends to discuss the reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
phenomenon and
also
suggest some ways to
allivate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
the problem.
I
Add a verb
amI
wasI
show examples
sure people protect
children
from
danger
Add an article
the danger
a danger
show examples
which is mounting
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
.
Children
have
such
academic problems.
Today
's
child
is not competing with other
children
which
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who
show examples
are living next door,
of
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or
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even
of
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in
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one's town or nation. They are competing with the
child
where are
global
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a global
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village. In the past the huge planet Earth is
a
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apply
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small
well-linked
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and well-linked
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on
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to
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today
's global village. Their
children
wanted to excel by
parents
in each area.
Parents
send their
children
to the best , where their
children
's school bags are heavier than their
child
itself.
Children
have private lessons after school. They don'
t
have extra
time
to bring out their hidden abilities. More
children
have many social and commercial
pressures
. Socially the
children
of
today
's
time
are living in a big dilemma.
Children
want to live in global culture but their
parents
require
to
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them to
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live in
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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way. Sometimes
this
makes them disobedient in
opposite
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the opposite
show examples
direction to rules laid by their grandparents or their
parents
. After that
children
also
encounter peer pressure, they
also
maybe
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may be
show examples
good if their peers are good but when their peers are bad, both of them will be very
rebel
Replace the word
rebellious
show examples
.
This
peer
pressures
Change the determiner
pressure
show examples
makes
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make
show examples
them with the consumerist society of
today
next it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead to much stress and
also
it can
be makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
them quick to nervous. The
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
show examples
model of technology
for example
phones, laptops and other things when
children
see them with their friends they want to get them. They are unable to do so and their
parents
resist something,
then
children
get stressed. The
solutions
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solution
show examples
is not easy.
Parents
should be caring and kind to their
children
and
also
children
have
to
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apply
show examples
realistic expectations
for
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of
show examples
their
parents
.
Then
Thay
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
should be
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
extra
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
children
.The biggest responsibility is on the schools and teachers. Teachers should try to bring out the best in each
child
and should competition and co-operation be taught at the same
time
. If
children
don'
t
win, they will annoy but they shouldn'
t
do that, the aim of
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
is other.
Children
have to be taught to win with modesty and
also
lose with elegance. Summing up, we haven'
t
got any doubt that
children
of
today
are encountering so
more
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much more
show examples
and more
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
however
steps should be taken on
war
Correct article usage
a war
show examples
footing to keep safe their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
these
pressures
will stifle
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
which are physical and psychological.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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