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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one are of Britian. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distribiuted.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one are of Britian. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distribiuted.
#information #police #budget #britian #money #show
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The given table and pie charts demonstrate data on the police
budget
Use synonyms
, and how the
budget
Use synonyms
 was spent on different areas
such
Linking Words
 as salaries, technology or buildings and transportation in 2017 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most important income of the
budget
Use synonyms
provided
Add a missing verb
was provided
show examples
 by
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Government, and the lowest proportion was coming from other sources like grants for each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
budget
Use synonyms
 was spent on mostly salaries, and only small percentages were placed
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technological investments in 2017 and 2018. It is true that
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
budget
Use synonyms
 was mostly supplied by National Government in 2017 as 175.5
million
Use synonyms
, which was slightly increased by 2.3
million
Use synonyms
. The second important source for the
budget
Use synonyms
 was local taxes which were improved
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
show examples
 10% during a year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
period
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached 102.3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2018.
Although
Linking Words
 other sources only took small
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
, these
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
a
Change preposition
by a
show examples
half
million
Use synonyms
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year later. Eventually, the total
budget
Use synonyms
 improved more than 10
million
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raised approximately 318
million
Use synonyms
 in 2018. In 2017 a quarter of the
budget
Use synonyms
 was spent on salaries which was the highest investment area,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it reduced by 6% over a year. The expenses of basic infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as buildings and transportation were protected its place each
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
, but the investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology was improved to 14% in 2018.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "improved" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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