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Band 5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
Leisure
time
activities
 are imperative for
children
. There is one school of thought that perceive
children
 should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to choose what they do in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
.
While
 others think that
parents
 should be in
control
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that matter. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there should be a guardian to
control
 or monitor
kids
 regarding these
activities
.   Raising
kids
 is not an easy task when it comes to parenting.
Parents
 are usually very concerned about their
children
's daily
activities
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 in free
time
 if a parent has provided
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 with a mobile phone or tablet to play games and there is no check and balance on how long a child is going to use can eventually harm the
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
.
Similarly
Add a comma
,Similarly
show examples
 there is an age group of
kids
 who uses
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
 without
monitoring
Correct article usage
the monitoring
show examples
 of any guardian can be very harmful as there is
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of violent and vulgar content available on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.   On the
other
Add a comma
,other
show examples
 if
parents
 organize the daily activity
time table
Correct your spelling
timetable
show examples
 it can assure the kid is under
control
, and not going in any wrong direction and involved in any
such
 activity that could be harmful. Take the example of a parent who has imposed outdoor
activities
 on
kids
 can have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 positive impact on
overall
 health.
Although
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 age young people do not like to be driven regarding their
activities
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
 but doing so keeps the
kids
 under their
control
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 if there is no surveillance on
kids
 in free
time
 the
children
 can choose to go outside and make friends and indulge in criminal
activities
 like drugs.   It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 fact that
children
 should not be given the freedom to choose the way they want to spend their free
time
. It must be either organized by their
parents
 or should be under surveillance for the better growth and brought-up of coming generations.
Submitted by vajeeha.kamran on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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