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Band 8

The best way for the country to prepare for future is to invest on the young people. Do you agree and disagree?

#country #future #people
The controversy surrounding the topic of preparing for the
future
 has polarized people into two different poles. On the one hand, an army of defendants insists that a country’s fate should be entrusted to old people’s hands.
On the other hand
, other advocates reckon that the
future
 of a country can be undertaken by the youth. As far as
this
 argument goes, I strongly support the second viewpoint. First of all, one of the most pivotal contentions opposed to my idea maintains that the operation of old generations can maintain domestic stability. Indeed, what they claim is plausible. Various theories have been put forward to prompt researchers to argue that risks
such
 as economic crisis or shortage of workforce can be kept at bay under the control of the elderly.
However
, by investing in the youth can people create favourable conditions for the whole society to self-forge, take risks and forge ahead.
For instance
, by voting, my village’s authority had its first young chairman, who submitted and implemented several unique schemes in order to change the face of the area and take inhabitants out of poverty. Thanks to his efforts, the land now has a whole different look,
along with
 the decreasing incidence of unemployment, which gives the residents chances to live better lives.
Furthermore
, these defendants who disagree with my stance may claim that
due to
 the experience and competence of the old managers, a nation can be directed in the right ways, gaining its best orientation.
Nevertheless
, supporting young entrepreneurs and innovators can lead to the appearance of new businesses and industries, which can drive a country’s progress and competitiveness. As an example, my acquaintance had an allocation coming from the local authority and decided to establish his own business. Given his novel, innovative, strategic and open-minded mindset, his corporation soon became a multinational company with thousands of subsidiaries worldwide, giving his motherland a turnover of a billion dollars every year. In conclusion, investing in youngsters is necessary for a country’s
future
. In a nutshell, I pen down by reconfirming that I do support the idea claiming that entrusting a nation’s
future
 to the hands of the youth is a wise idea.
Submitted by vuducquangminh96 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to balance your arguments by thoroughly discussing both sides of the issue.
task achievement
Although your examples are strong and well-explained, they sometimes overshadow your main ideas. Try making key ideas more prominent.
lexical resource
Some of your phrasing is excessively complicated. Aim for clarity over complexity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • entrepreneurship
  • mentorship
  • economic diversification
  • civic engagement
  • leadership training
  • cultural exchange
  • interconnected world
  • robust curriculum
  • hands-on skills
  • job-ready
  • self-reliance
  • physically and mentally healthy
  • active participants
  • global understanding
  • stimulate
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