IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe some information is too important or valuable to be shared freely

#people #information #research #business #world
Certain individuals are of the opinion that it is great to share lots of
information
 as possible in scientific
research
,
business
 and the academic world
while
 some think some
information
 is too essential to be communicated freely. In my own view, there are some details that should not be shared as
this
 could be used against researchers,
business
 owners or academics and sharing all
information
 can make
people
 well-informed and educated.
To begin
, all details on
research
 projects,
business
 and academics can be made aware to the
people
 as
this
 will create awareness and help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain knowledge about their world.
This
 will make individuals to be more informed as it will ensure they practice a good way of living and promote the economy of their
country
 making them live in a safe and better environment.
Also
, in ,schools the students will be able to learn and work towards achieving better goals in their careers life to make
people
 in their society benefit from their
research
 or projects.
For example
,
according to
 a
research
 study by Adams John, an advocate states that making
people
 know more
information
 on
research
,
business
 and others will make 98% of
people
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
well informed and for educational purposes to help students gain knowledge.
Furthermore
, I believe not all the
information
 should be shared with the
people
 on
research
,
business
 and education as
this
 can have effects on their way of achieving the actual goals which can lead to hindrance by
people
's criticisms and can be used against
such
 countries.
For instance
, in 2021 Ukraine was invaded by the Russian armies because they already
know
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 the weak and strong points of protecting their
country
 through the
information
 that was gathered from their citizens causing the destruction of most of the
country
's states.
Therefore
, there should be little
information
 made known to the
people
 about their
country
's goals or achievements in science, health,
business
 and education to prevent obstacles. In conclusion,
people
's awareness of all the details of their
country
's
research
 and
business
 can help them to be well-informed and educated.
However
, little
information
 will prevent the world from
hindrance to
Wrong verb form
hindering
show examples
 greater development.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in clarity and purpose.
task achievement
The response addresses some of the task but lacks depth and clarity in conveying the ideas.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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