Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. Do you gree or disgree?
Education should be prioritized to acquire more money from the
government
before sports
stadiums and building theatres
, thought some people
. I truly believe that it is of equal importance because sports
and art
places encourage people
to have positive health that leads to better study, as well as
providing a space for people
who have a talent in an art
term, which is one part of learning.
The most crucial reason why sports
stadium
and Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
theatres
are the places that a government
should give a value as equal as
education Change preposition
to
because
these Add a missing verb
is because
area
provide accessibility for Change the determiner
areas
human
to get better health both mentality and physicality. When Fix the agreement mistake
humans
people
have many public spaces for doing
exercise, enjoying a movie, or spending time with their family, a relaxed feeling Unnecessary verb
apply
Add a missing verb
is release
release
, resulting in Replace the word
released
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
become
healthier and urging their Wrong verb form
becoming
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
absorbing
knowledge greater. Change the verb form
to absorb
For example
, a working man has to study after work, with
stress and pressure that he has faced all day Correct word choice
and with
affect
him can not focus or remember what he studied. Wrong verb form
affecting
As a result
, he can not improve his ability if he does not overcome his fatigue. The sports
field and the theatres
are the alternative choices for healing people
,
and are Remove the comma
apply
a
one of Change the article
apply
factors
to improve their learning.
Another reason for a Correct article usage
the factors
government
should balance the spending between education and art
, sports
places and theatres
, is giving
an Change the verb form
to give
oppotunity
for some groups which have a talent Correct your spelling
opportunity
skill
of art
more than academic
discipline. Even though most of Add an article
an academic
population
likely Add an article
the population
persure
a certificate of science because Correct your spelling
pursue
pressure
a
social value, there are Correct your spelling
of
another type
of Fix the agreement mistake
other types
people
that has passionate about sports
or drama acting. Equivalent options for every kind of population should be supported by the government
, because, when they develop themselve
in their own passion, it means a country is Correct your spelling
themselves
driving
forward by the capability of these Wrong verb form
driven
people
also
. For instance
, a representative of the country, no matter which term of skill
, also
raise
the Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
country
reputation. Change noun form
country's
Thus
the cinema and sport
area are the place for some Change the noun form
sports
people
can practice
their skills, Correct your spelling
practise
as well as
probably being their working place in the future.
In conclusion, the government
should provide equally
money for both academic Change the word
equal
site
and are Change to a plural noun
sites
site
because Fix the agreement mistake
sites
sports
stadium
and Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
theatres
are the place, which helping
Wrong verb form
help
people
have a
good health that Remove the article
apply
leading
to Wrong verb form
leads
study
smarter, Wrong verb form
studying
as well as
giving a
value Correct article usage
apply
for
some Change preposition
to
people
who have a talent skill
of art
as equal as people
who have an academic skill
.Submitted by chonticha.karnj on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite