IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
One of the issues being raised is that some
people
 consider that
parents
 should teach how to be good members of
society
. Others have the opposite opinion. They believe that
school
 should provide the
knowledge
 of a good person in
society
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there is no absolute agreement on whether
parents
 should provide
knowledge
 or is it a
school
 commitment A commonly held belief is that
parents
 should provide
this
 type of
knowledge
. As
evidence
Add a comma
,evidence
show examples
 they point to the fact that
parents
 are the first teachers of a child and they are obligated to give the basis of
society
 principles and etiquette in public.
Furthermore
 children without any teaching of how
society
 constructs,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could lead to that children may grow closed.
On the other hand
, some
people
 claim that only
school
 should provide
knowledge
 of how to behave in
society
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 they mention that pupils have always been in contact with surrounding
people
 and will get experience by contacting classmates and friends.
In addition
, most
people
 get the experience of life in
school
.
Therefore
 they will study
11
Change preposition
for 11
show examples
 or 12 years in a row In conclusion, taking everything mentioned up, I would argue that
parents
 provide
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
 structure of
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
 in
society
 and
school
 gives some more experience to make
people
 good with others
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: