IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arys and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disgree?

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Some would argue that investments in
art
Use synonyms
 are not reasonable it's preferable to invest in other parts of the country's economy.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 point of view because society can't exist without realising its needs in craft,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the creation of
art
Use synonyms
 issues has a high profit. On the one hand, the main need of society is to present people's identity and to show the environment's beauty.
However
Linking Words
, the best way to realize it is the adeptness.
For example
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, our President named
this
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 year "The Year of China's Culture" in Kazakhstan.
However
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, there would be a large amount of the events where country's citizens can get acquainted with examples of activity representatives of China
art
Use synonyms
.
Such
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 as painters, sculptors and others.
However
Linking Words
, all of them demonstrate their originality and examples of nature's etudes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all things have a price. Meanwhile, the main law in trade says that you should sell things more expensive than you get them. There are a lot of cases when the profit was up to 100% because of an
art
Use synonyms
 item.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a picture by Malevich called "The Black Square", it is the most expensive picture in the World, its price is over 35 million dollars
while
Linking Words
 the cost price of the picture is not higher than 1500 dollars. That's why the profession component is so important for the country's economy. Selling arts provides the nation's prosperity. In conclusion, developing a craft brings success in individual and national parts of life. So, we don't need to cut the investments there to make society stronger.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected to the main argument. For example, linking the profitability of art more explicitly to governmental investment can strengthen your coherence. Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on points and examples for better task achievement. For instance, provide more details about how government investment specifically impacts the profitability of art.
task achievement
Revise some awkward phrases and grammatical errors. For example, "investments in art are not reasonable it's preferable" should be "investments in art are not reasonable and it's preferable." This will improve the clarity of your ideas, enhancing your overall score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly related to the essay’s main argument.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay are relevant and help illustrate the main points, such as the reference to Malevich's "The Black Square".
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • funding allocation
  • cultural identity
  • social cohesion
  • societal development
  • critical thinking
  • emotional expression
  • creative industries
  • economic growth
  • funding cuts
  • government budget
  • resource allocation
  • public health outcomes
  • literacy rates
  • infrastructure development
  • tourism stimulation
  • global influence
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