Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arys and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disgree?
Some would argue that investments in
art
are not reasonable it's preferable to invest in other parts of the country's economy. This
essay disagrees with this
point of view because society can't exist without realising its needs in craft, on the other hand
, the creation of art
issues has a high profit.
On the one hand, the main need of society is to present people's identity and to show the environment's beauty. However
, the best way to realize it is the adeptness. For example
, our President named this
year "The Year of China's Culture" in Kazakhstan. However
, there would be a large amount of the events where country's citizens can get acquainted with examples of activity representatives of China art
. Such
as painters, sculptors and others. However
, all of them demonstrate their originality and examples of nature's etudes.
On the other hand
, all things have a price. Meanwhile, the main law in trade says that you should sell things more expensive than you get them. There are a lot of cases when the profit was up to 100% because of an art
item. For instance
, there is a picture by Malevich called "The Black Square", it is the most expensive picture in the World, its price is over 35 million dollars while
the cost price of the picture is not higher than 1500 dollars. That's why the profession component is so important for the country's economy. Selling arts provides the nation's prosperity.
In conclusion, developing a craft brings success in individual and national parts of life. So, we don't need to cut the investments there to make society stronger.Submitted by interclass1982 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected to the main argument. For example, linking the profitability of art more explicitly to governmental investment can strengthen your coherence. Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on points and examples for better task achievement. For instance, provide more details about how government investment specifically impacts the profitability of art.
task achievement
Revise some awkward phrases and grammatical errors. For example, "investments in art are not reasonable it's preferable" should be "investments in art are not reasonable and it's preferable." This will improve the clarity of your ideas, enhancing your overall score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly related to the essay’s main argument.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay are relevant and help illustrate the main points, such as the reference to Malevich's "The Black Square".
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach to the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?