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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many think that religion should be taught in schools, while others think it should be avoided.

#religion #schools
Religion
 has always been a debatable topic
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
history
. Some traditionalists believe that
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 in
schools
 separate
classes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
allocated
Add a missing verb
be allocated
show examples
 for
religion
. another group of
modernist
Fix the agreement mistake
modernists
show examples
 claims
religion
classes
 should be
keep
Change the form of the verb
kept
show examples
 away from
students
.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives and provide a personal opinion that
religion
 should be taught in
schools
 or not. The prime factor responsible for
religion
 to be taught in
schools
 is to remember
their
Change the word
the
show examples
history
 of
religion
 and to teach youngsters
belief
 in god. Nowadays youngsters mostly spend their time on modern tech devices,
due to
 which they hardly know about
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
religion
 and some don't even
belief
 in worship, and second place where
students
 mostly spend their time is
schools
Therefore
, if they will be taught about their
religion
 in
schools
,
then
 they will know the
history
 of their
religion
, follow the path of
religion
 as a matter of fact they will
belief
 in worship, meditation which will help them to become a better human being.
However
 Regular teaching about different religions in school will promote inequality.
School
Change the article
A school
show examples
 is a place where
students
 from different religions study together in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 class, which promotes equality that every student is equal, but if there will be
a regular
Correct the article-noun agreement
regular classes
a regular class
show examples
classes
 on
religion
then
 all those
students
 will be separated into different
classes
 which will divide them and
this
 can be very dangerous for
upcoming
Add an article
the upcoming
show examples
 generation, because of
religion
 factor India has faced so many problems in
history
.
Therefore
,
religion
Replace the word
religious
show examples
classes
 should not be promoted in
schools
. All in all,
School
Change the article
a School
show examples
 is a place where youngster learns everything, so it will be really good for youngsters if they will learn about their
religion
 in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 as they will start
belief
Replace the word
believing
show examples
 in worship, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 should be avoided because
this
 will promote inequality between
students
, which can result into a big problem in future.
Submitted by pranav10puri on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • religious education
  • multi-faith society
  • values and ethics
  • tolerance
  • diversity
  • religious freedom
  • secular education
  • curriculum
  • worldviews
  • interfaith dialogue
  • religious literacy
  • moral guidance
  • cultural understanding
  • critical thinking
  • respect
  • indoctrination
  • religious beliefs
  • secular state
  • religious extremism
  • academic subject
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