IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
In a number of countries,
students
 have a year gap before graduation. So
students
 can attend to work in the period, and gain more experiences about working world. Some views encourage
children
 to know more about working daily life and ask the school for being responsible for arranging
kids
' working time. I do partially agree with it. Studying is the most important thing for
students
. The main purpose of school is to improve
children
's learning, no matter what subjects are, basic knowledge for
students
 is the first aim. Fewer jobs can allow
children
 to work without basic knowledge.
Furthermore
, the establishment of the world view is as important as study to
children
. The working experience is an essential part of the process of building their worldview. In China, universities require undergraduates to have at least half a year of internship experience before graduating, which effectively helps
students
 know what lifelong job they want to pursue or improve their view of competition in society.
In contrast
, parents of
children
 play more crucial roles in charge of their short time working. As an irreplaceable portion of
kids
' lives, families encourage their
kids
 and support them to make decisions by themselves on their jobs, which is the key to the success of the internship. In conclusion, the working experience is very useful to improve
kids
.
However
, compared with the requirement from school, support from families is the most important to
students
' short working time. So I do not entirely agree with the author's opinion.
Submitted by louis.pang.sa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: