IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children are facing more pressures nowodays from academic, social and commercial persectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #nowodays #persectives #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today
Use synonyms
 it is common that
children
Use synonyms
 are facing
difficulty
Fix the agreement mistake
difficulties
show examples
 from academic, social and commercial challenges.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss these pressures and
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 some measures to solve the
problems
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 have to rest from these issues.
Today
Use synonyms
 there are many academic
problems
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youths.
Today
Use synonyms
’s
children
Use synonyms
 are not competing with their
peers
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 want their
children
Use synonyms
 to succeed in academic studies. They send their
children
Use synonyms
 to the best schools. At those
Use synonyms
school's
Change noun form
schools
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can not stand more and more
pressuares
Correct your spelling
pressures
pressure
.
Also
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
they have to stay at
school
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
 hours.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 don’t have time for fun, travelling with their friends and enjoying
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their childhood. There are
also
Linking Words
 many social and commercial
problems
Use synonyms
. Socially,
today
Use synonyms
's
children
Use synonyms
 are in a huge dilemma. Their
parents
Use synonyms
 make them
more
Change preposition
under more
show examples
 and more
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
. They always say to their
children
Use synonyms
 that, they all have to pass their exams successfully and bring them honour. Because of that
children
Use synonyms
 start to study hard. But when they fail their exams , they become stressful than ever before.
Then
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 face peer pressure which can be good if their
peers
Use synonyms
 are good.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they see the latest models of cell phones or the latest fashion dresses in their
peers
Use synonyms
. So
then
Linking Words
 they want to buy it too, like their
peers
Use synonyms
. Of course, if they can not buy them, they get
a
Change preposition
into a
show examples
stressful situation. The solution is not easy.
Children
Use synonyms
 should be cared for by their
parents
Use synonyms
 at home and by teachers at
school
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 have to give their attention to their
children
Use synonyms
 and have to understand them. Of course,
today
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 became
workholic
Correct your spelling
workaholic
workaholics
but they have to find time for their
children
Use synonyms
 and hear their
problems
Use synonyms
. At
school
Use synonyms
Add a comma
,
show examples
teachers have to be careful
for
Change the preposition
with
about
of
show examples
their students because
today
Use synonyms
 common bullying and browbeat among teenagers.
As well as
Linking Words
theseteachers
Correct your spelling
these teachers
the teachers
 don’t have to give a lot of tasks because it
restrict
Change the verb form
restricts
show examples
child’s freedom. In conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
there is no doubt that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are having more pressures and stressful cases. Bad steps should be taken and
parents
Use synonyms
 have to control that constantly.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, these small issues can lead
big
Change preposition
to big
show examples
 troubles in the future.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: