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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and by night in cities and rural areas in 2007.

The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and by night in cities and rural areas in 2007.
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The
bie
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pie
 charts give information about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 affected by
different
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a different
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type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
noise
Use synonyms
 in Europe by
day
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 and by
night
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 in both urban and rural areas in 2007. The data is measured in millions for
traffic
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,
train
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,
aircraft
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 and
industry
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
were
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was
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 a
drammatic
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dramatic
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
noise
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 both
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
day
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 and
night
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,
while
Linking Words
people
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 were not affected by
train
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,
aircraft
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 and
industry
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 a lot in cities. The number of
people
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 affected by
traffic
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noise
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 in rural areas uptook considerably by
night
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 and by
day
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,
while
Linking Words
 there was not any
noise
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 by
industry
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. Looking at the details, well over 50 and 60 million
people
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affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
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 by
traffic
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 by
day
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 and by
night
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 respectively, which
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
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 the highest number in the group.
However
Linking Words
, the
noise
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 of
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train
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trains
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 decreased sharply to 10 by
day
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 and 8 by
night
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 correspondingly. The index of
aircraft
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 and
industry
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noise
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possesed
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possessed
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 position in the group with 4 (
day
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), 1 (
night
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) and 1(
day
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), 0.25(
night
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)
accordingly
Linking Words
 in 2007. The number of
people
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 who were affected by
noise
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 in rural areas made up 34 by
day
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,
while
Linking Words
 it declined by 10 by
night
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. There were a
noticable
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noticeable
 decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
train
Add an article
the train
a train
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 to 8 and 6,
aircraft
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 to 2 and 1 by
day
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 and
night
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accordingly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
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 did not affect by
industry
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 in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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 of Europe in 2007.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "accordingly, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, noise, day, night, traffic, train, aircraft, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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