IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The percentage of overweight children in western societies has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

#percentage #children #societies #ten #years #effects #trend #offer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 contemporary era, there has been a rise in the percentage of obese children by 20% in the past decade
due to
 which diseases are at the peak as well. In
this
 essay, we will discuss the factors and the effects of
this
 development in upcoming paragraphs. To commence, the reason for the increase in overweight adolescents is
due to
 the availability of junk foods. To explain, fast food is easily available in every neighbourhood which seems convenient for people to go and consume it
instead
 of cooking at home. These items have a negative effect on health
due to
 the ingredients that are used
while
 cooking which leads to the development of diseases
such
 as heart attack, diabetes etc.
For example
, studies show that borderline diabetes is quite prevalent in the age group of 15-30 years
due to
 their eating habits.
Thus
, the above example vividly illustrates the causes and effects of unhealthy eating.
On the other hand
,
this
 problem can be mitigated with the intervention of parents. To elaborate, parents can keep a check on the diet of their offspring and eliminate those ingredients which are harmful to their health.
Furthermore
, the government can increase the prices and taxes on these items which would result in reducing the consumption of junk food. To exemplify, the authorities can carry out campaigns about the harmful effects of fast food and how can people switch to healthier alternatives.
Hence
, the aforementioned reasons substantiate solutions that can be implemented to reduce obesity in children. To recapitulate, the factors which are responsible for obesity in teenagers are
due to
 the readily available foods which contain artificial nutrients that are unhealthy and these items contribute to the development of various illnesses.
However
, these issues can be handled where parents can make a diet which is full of nutrients and the government can increase taxes on
such
 products.
Submitted by sanchidhupar96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: