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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays tend to have children at older age Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage

#people #children #age #advantage
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to give birth at an older age.
This
Linking Words
 might be
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the emotionally
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emotionally
Change the word
emotional
show examples
 preparation of the parents for the process,
however
Linking Words
, delay in the ability to conceive can
also
Linking Words
 be
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
 which I believe
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the disadvantages which can be medically corrected.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays believe that
child birth
Correct your spelling
childbirth
show examples
 and child care
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not a small deal,
that is
Linking Words
 why some
people
Use synonyms
 want to prepare either emotionally or financially towards having their
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, I once had a
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 who was a man at the age of 35 and still not married, so I asked him one day
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what was his reason for that and he said he doesn’t want his wife or
children
Use synonyms
lack
Fix the infinitive
to lack
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 anything whatsoever and that it’s after he made it by having a house and a car with
steady
Add an article
a steady
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 income and most
people
Use synonyms
 importantly he wanted to be emotionally ready to have a child and get married till he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 so, which I think it’s a good idea
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that he wanted to be emotionally grounded before heading into it.
However
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,
inability
Add an article
the inability
show examples
 of the woman to conceive can be a great emotional stress and
also
Linking Words
 causes depression
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run, but
this
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 can be corrected in some ways.
For example
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, I once had a patient who was not able to get pregnant for five years of marriage, many texts
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 done on both the wife and her husband which all came out good but was still not able to have a baby. Later on, the physician suggested surrogacy which came out well and they had a twin. So,
this
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 can be corrected medically. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 giving birth at an older age can be risky
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 some medical issues, I believe the advantage
supersede
Change the verb form
supersedes
show examples
 the disadvantage because it reduces
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 of coping with
children
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 to Cater for their
children
Use synonyms
. 320 words 1hr15mins
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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