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Band 5.5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions.

#quality #life #cities
Nowadays, the
quality
 of living
Add a missing verb
has declines
show examples
declines
Replace the word
declined
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 in urban areas. I believe exploring the causes of
this
 problem can assist in finding a suitable solution to resolve it. The fast pace of
life
 could partly account for the poor
quality
 of
life
 in
cities
 recently. Nowadays with the advancement in
science
Add a comma
science,
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 everything changes more quickly than before and
people
 are more likely to suffer from serious health problems like stress which bring about poor standards of living. In my opinion, I think
people
 can benefit from the tranquil nature of the countryside on a weakly basis. Because of pleasant ,weather they can reduce stress, ,
moreover
 it would help to clear their mind from the hectic
life
 of the city and boost their stamina. The poor
quality
 of dwellers’ lives in big
cities
 can
steam
Correct your spelling
stem
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 from low job security. Overpopulation and immigration from the suburbs to the
cities
 can lead to a vast number of unemployed
people
 and employers are open-handed to replace their employees as soon as they want.
People
 can participate in training courses in order to boost their abilities. When
people
 become more expert in their field employers find it difficult to replace them easily,
in
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 employees can benefit from a pleasant working atmosphere and their lives become more comfortable.
To conclude
, even though the fast pace of
life
 and low job security contribute to poor
quality
 of living in the big
cities
, governments can remedy the situation. In my view, travelling on a
weakly
Correct word choice
weak
show examples
 basis and improving working skills are steps in the right direction.
Submitted by omidateur on

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grammatical range and accuracy
Ensure correct usage of articles and prepositions to improve clarity.
lexical resource
Avoid repeating phrases such as 'poor quality of life' and 'quality of living' excessively. Use synonyms or restructure sentences for variety.
lexical resource
Pay attention to spelling; 'weekly' instead of 'weakly', for instance.
grammatical range and accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures to exhibit a wider range of grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the core points of the essay comprehensively.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas by providing more in-depth analysis and examples to substantiate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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