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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.

The graph gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.
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The graph compares the
percenatge
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
 of different age groups attending cinemas in Australia between 1900 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, (14-24
year
Use synonyms
 ) old following an upward trend.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the 50 years and above are the least going to the cinemas. 40% of the elderly
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 going to the movies in 1990,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 are just above 50% now. The young (14-24
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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)
on the other hand
Linking Words
, started with as high as 90% of them going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watch movies and ended with almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
100% over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
20 years. ( 25- 34
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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) old group fluctuated over the mentioned period, beginning with 60% of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 attending shows and reaching a dip of 72% in 2010
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 after it was higher than
this
Linking Words
 earlier. Both
middle age
Add a hyphen
middle-age
show examples
 groups ( above 25
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
) ended
in
Change preposition
at
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meeting
Correct article usage
a meeting
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 point of 75% in 2006. The specific group of ( 35-49
year
Use synonyms
 ) percentages were increasing gradually from 60%, reaching a plateau of 65% over 6 years ( from 1996 til 2002 ) and
then
Linking Words
 again gaining speed to a maximum of 85% in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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