Some people think that fittest and strongest individuals and the team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Modern society has been facing a dramatic surge in the among of people who
not
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do not

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allow violate mental
attitude
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attitudes

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.
Desciplince
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Discipline

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is an issue that generates heated debates with supporters maintaining that
regar
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regard

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between
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the team
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team
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teams

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. Some experts tend to ascertain that strict discipline mainly
influnce
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influences

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for
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team work
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teamwork

The word team work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

claim resonates with me to some extent. I believe that both
side
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sides

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productive
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are productive

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to
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

team
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the team

The noun phrase team seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. The first and foremost why I reckon that
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

team
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teams

It seems that team may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
individual
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individuals

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can attain success are rooted in the fact that strong education and discipline give
significant
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a significant

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influence. As
the
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a

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salient
example
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,example

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As the salient example. Consider adding a comma.

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Omarov Dastan trainer in football always
prefer
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prefers

The plural verb prefer does not appear to agree with the singular subject trainer. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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working and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb develop. Consider changing it.

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with
him
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his

It appears that the personal pronoun him should be in the possessive form. Consider changing it.

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group.
Widely-known
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Widely known

The word Widely-known doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that Dastan is
famous
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a famous
the famous

The noun phrase famous trainer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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trainer . When he was
early
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an early

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teenage experience Dastan matured and improved their drawbacks with all of
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

team
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the team

The phrase all of team may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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. He rarely
play
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plays

It appears that the subject pronoun He and the verb play are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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football solo , often
gived
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given
give
gives

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prever
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prefer

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to group play.
Furethemore
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Furthermore

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, it is worth
mention
Replace the word
mentioning

The word mention doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that sometimes strict
displine
Correct your spelling
discipline

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can violate mental health . Another significant reason how
can
Correct pronoun usage
one can

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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achieve
succsess
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success

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it is depends on
psycological
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psychological

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state. To clarify Arystan
team
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

always improves their mistakes with experts and
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups

It seems that group may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

likewise
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,likewise

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase likewise. Consider adding a comma.

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the time manage more comfortable than
other measure
Change the wording
another measure
other measures

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun measure. Consider making a change.

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. Every after game Arystan people
taked
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took

It appears that the verb taked is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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place a
pirty
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party

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. Despite the prominent arguments in
favor
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favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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of
team
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

achiement
Correct your spelling
achievement

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, I admit that strong , fittest people
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh

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mental attitude.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I strongly believe that
team
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

attain have significant
connect
Replace the word
connection

The word connect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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with strong disciplines in
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams

It seems that team may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
or groups.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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