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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because univerity education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Since
university
Use synonyms
students
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of the public, mainly gain advantages from the
education
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, it is argued that they should take
a
Remove the article
apply
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full responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their studying fees. In my view, I slightly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument. During
university
Use synonyms
 life,
students
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 undoubtedly make contributions to the community. First of all,
students
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 who do not receive salaries from the placement get involved in the public health service without asking
any
Change preposition
for any
show examples
 returns.
For example
Linking Words
, medical undergraduates may have to volunteer in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public hospitals which helps to alleviate the burden of the health system.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, providing
education
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fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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 to
university
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 pupils ensures that the
overall
Linking Words
education
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 level in the country is guaranteed . If they do not receive
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
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education
Use synonyms
, they may not be able to apply the professional and specific knowledge in their future careers.
Thus
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community service may be negatively affected. Despite
students
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' contributions to society, they, compared with the public, may mostly be benefited from
university
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,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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To begin
Linking Words
 with,
students
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 may not cherish the opportunities of studying in college if they do not have the responsibility to pay for it.
For instance
Linking Words
, those who simply aim for graduation may not put any
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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in
Change preposition
into
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 learning and studying.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may turn out to be a ‘couch
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
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’ staying at home during the day so the knowledge they learnt in previous schools has has no positive
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
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 on society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some graduates may not play a role in the public system,
participation
Correct pronoun usage
their participation
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 of them in contributing to the whole community should not be neglected.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is reasonable that their
education
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 fee is
subsitized
Correct your spelling
subsidised
 by
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university
Add an article
the university
show examples
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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