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Band 6

Some say that the most important thing about. being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#say #opportunity
Some
people
 hold the view that the most significant aspect of being wealthy is having the chance to help other
people
. I completely agree with
this
 as rich
people
 can engage in charity work and create employment opportunities for local communities.
To begin
 with, I believe wealthy individuals have the unique ability to assist less fortunate
people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society with philanthropy and charity project.
This
 means that
people
 in need
such
 as underprivileged children can have a chance to attend higher education with the funding of new schools and academies by CEOs who have made billions from their business.
For instance
, Warren Buffet a famous wall street trader and a billionaire donated a large proportion of his wealth
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 philanthropic causes over the past decade, particularly in the education sector.
This
 has helped countless youngsters from poor families that could not afford a decent education. Another important point to consider is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 rich
people
 can create many opportunities at
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 business level bringing new jobs to the local community. With investment from many shops and factories millionaires and top exécutives can be opened up, resulting in towns that have low employment being transformed. economically. To illustrate
this
, Chencho from Tserang (a place in Bhutan) benefited greatly from
Loden
Correct article usage
the Loden
show examples
 foundation started by one of the rich men Called Lopon Karma Phonkho, who now has his own running mini farming.
This
 resulted in many job opportunities for unemployed youngsters.
To sum up
, I firmly believe that, the wealthy can Chaines assist others through inve
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 investment in communities,
Thus
 benefiting poorer members of society.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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