Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion

One of the social concerns today relates to how

parents

Use synonyms

should treat their

children

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

it is widely

commonly

Rephrase

apply

show examples

suggested that

parents

Use synonyms

should supervise their

children

Use synonyms

’s

activities

Use synonyms

closely, others believe

children

Use synonyms

should have more freedom to

Use synonyms

growth

Replace the word

grow

show examples

. In my opinion,

Fix capitalization

show examples

support parent

should

Correct pronoun usage

who should

show examples

oversee their

children

Use synonyms

’s

activities

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closely. On the one hand, it is argued that

parents

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play a vital role in

children

Use synonyms

’s

activities

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, the main reason is that

children

Use synonyms

can not fully control

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their emotions or decisions. It is

also

Linking Words

possible to say that

prefrontal

Correct article usage

the prefrontal

show examples

cortex - the part of the brain that helps people make smart choices is still growing until around age 25.

Punctuation problem

So,

show examples

children

Use synonyms

surely can not do safe

activities

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without

supervision

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. One good illustration of

this

Linking Words

is an increasing number of tragic incidents involving

children

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that have occurred

due to

Linking Words

a lack of parental

supervision

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, including

drown

Wrong verb form

drowning

show examples

in lakes or ponds and

attacked

Verb problem

being attacked

show examples

by aggressive animals.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is strongly believed by others that freedom plays a vital role in

Use synonyms

growth

Correct article usage

the growth

show examples

children

Use synonyms

. People often have

this

Linking Words

opinion because each person has

each

Correct determiner usage

show examples

different

growth

Use synonyms

way,

children

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has

Wrong verb form

who have

show examples

free

growth

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will

Verb problem

develop

show examples

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

brave and strong personality than others. A particularly good example here is Chihiro (from the Spirited Away -

Ghibi

Correct your spelling

Ghibli

Studio) - A young girl is separated from her

parents

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and

force

Replace the word

forced

show examples

to survive on her own in a magical world. Through

this

Linking Words

journey, she matures quickly, learns how to work, and discovers how to protect herself. In conclusion, parental

supervision

Use synonyms

or free

decision

Check wording

decision-making

show examples

are thoughtful ways to help adult

children

Use synonyms

. Personally, I tend to believe that

children

Use synonyms

need parental

supervision

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This

Linking Words

will help

children

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safer,

as well as

Linking Words

more convenient in the

growth

Use synonyms

process, avoiding mental illness.

yeshomeclass

May 20, 2023

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task achievement

Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your stance better.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each sentence relates to it. This will help your reader follow your thoughts more easily.

coherence and cohesion

Use more linking words to connect your ideas, like 'however', 'on the other hand', or 'for example'. This makes the essay flow better.

task achievement

Check your grammar and spelling, especially with words like 'growth' or 'brave'. Errors can distract the reader.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good for structure.

task achievement

You provided examples from real life and stories, which help to illustrate your points.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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