Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #children #activities #freedom

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

While

it is widely believed that

parents

should supervise their

children

activities

closely others believe

children

should have more

freedom

… I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. (In my opinion,

parents

aren’t should supervise their

children

activities

closely and

Change the pronoun

show examples

believe

children

should have more

freedom

On the one hand, it is argued that

parents

should supervise their

children

activities

closely.

Firstly

Replace the word

The first

show examples

reason is that

because

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

children

are young and have no awareness

good

Change preposition

of good

show examples

For

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

children

cannot yet recognize the dangers of walking on the road with many cars.

Secondly

Add a comma

Secondly,

show examples

reason is to avoid unwanted accidents for

children

For example

, when

children

play they can fall and get injured affecting their health.

On the other hand

, it is strongly believed by others that

children

should have more

freedom

. People often have

this

opinion because

children

need comfort to develop their thinking freely. A particularly good example here is

children

can freely explore life around In conclusion, …

.it

Correct your spelling

is commonly thought that

parents

should supervise their

children

activities

closely; meanwhile, others assume that

children

should have more

freedom

. Personally, I tend to believe that

children

should have more

freedom

thatchildren

Correct your spelling

that children

can explore and develop themselves.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Sat May 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction

Ensure your introduction sets the context for the prompt and outlines your discussion points clearly. An effective introduction should also have a thesis statement reflecting your opinion.

Paragraph Structure

Your body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should introduce its main idea at the beginning to guide the reader through your arguments.

Linking

The use of linking words to connect ideas is crucial. Your essay needs more cohesive devices to make it more readable and logical.

Conclusion

Your conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and restate your opinion more clearly without introducing new information.

Task Response

It is important to fully respond to all parts of the task. Your essay should provide a more balanced discussion of the two viewpoints and offer more development of your personal stance throughout.

Grammar and Coherence

Work on using a wider range of sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and improve the overall readability.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

199 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some companies sponsor sports as a way to adverties themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
The opinion is divided on whether businesses should advertise themselves via sports sponsorship or not. Although some people suggest otherwise, however, I believe that financing competitive games have greater benefits. This essay will discuss both views in detail followed by a reasoned conclusion thereafter.
5.5
band
The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year Summarise the information by selectign and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The plans depict how the southwest airport will be reconstructed next year. Overall, in contemporary times, the structures of the airport represent two trapezoids and a rectangle. After a redevelopment, the rectangle will be remodelled into three rectangles and a triangle and there will be a corner increased on the right of arrivals.
6.5
band
General Training Writing Task 1 Your loval hospital has advertised for people to do unpaid work for helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your lettr: - Explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital - say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do - give detais of when you would be availble for this work Write at least 150 words
Recently, I saw an advertisement that this hospital needs people to work without pay. Therefore, I am writing this letter to offer myself to participate in helping it. I am genuinely excited if I can fill my space-time with positive activities.
<4
band
People think that university students should be able to study whatever they like. Others believe that universities should only teach subjects that will be useful in the future, such as science, technology and engineering. Discuss these views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, some people often support students to learn all the subject thay are interested in but other group of people think that subjects which is valued in the future is more important then others. From my perspective, I partially agree whith the first view that learner should study what they like.
5
band
Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whilst, a number of people believe that mobile gadgets should not be allowed to use in public places such as libraries, stores and on public transport, others and i say that individuals should be free to exploitate their phones everywhere. This essay will look at both notions.

Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Word Count

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to adverties themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year Summarise the information by selectign and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

People think that university students should be able to study whatever they like. Others believe that universities should only teach subjects that will be useful in the future, such as science, technology and engineering. Discuss these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.