IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In this technological era, personal information is held on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Recent years have witnessed a debate about whether it will bring positive effects or not if many
corporates
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corporations
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 own customers' personal
data
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.
While
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this
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 trend has some benefits for both individuals and organizations, I personally believe that its drawbacks are far more significant. On the one hand, personal
information
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 enables companies to penetrate new customer segments.
For example
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, if a brand is planning to launch a new product,
this
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 kind of
data
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 will be useful in communication and marketing campaigns.
In addition
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,
this
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 is
also
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 an effective way for consumers to keep updated with the latest
trend
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trends
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 in consumption and obtain sufficient
information
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 before making any purchase decision. To illustrate, Apple fans usually follow emails from
this
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 manufacturer to be well-informed about upcoming Apple items.
On the other hand
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, I hold the belief that submitting
such
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 sensitive kind of
data
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 has far-reaching consequences.
To begin
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 with,
data
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 leaking is now the subject of increasing concern.
This
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 results from the illegal activities that some businesses sell their customers' private
information
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 to third parties. Many banks and financial institutions,
therefore
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, are confronted with online fraudsters, who use others' personal
data
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 to apply for a loan or the like.
Furthermore
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, a rising number of companies nowadays tend to annoy their customers by spamming emails or phone calls.
Hence
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, many people have recently had a tendency to refuse to provide accurate
information
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 when being asked.
To conclude
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, despite its advantages, providing personal
data
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 to companies poses a great threat to society.
Thus
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, there is a need to plough ahead with measures to ensure
data
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 privacy.

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear statement about the overall topic and clearly outlines your position on the matter.
Structure
Provide a more cohesive and logical structure by organizing your paragraphs effectively and making sure that the transition between them is smooth.
Examples
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay with a succinct summary of your arguments, ensuring that you clearly restate your position.
Grammar
Areas to improve include consistency in tense usage and subject-verb agreement. Review compound-complex sentence structures and ensure punctuation is correctly used to enhance clarity.
Vocabulary
Expand your lexical resource by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological era
  • personal information
  • service optimisation
  • tailored advertising
  • personalized services
  • data breaches
  • misuse of information
  • ethical implications
  • explicit consent
  • encryption
  • data protection
  • General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)
  • security measures
  • legal framework
  • consumer awareness
  • data literacy
  • decentralization
  • blockchain technology
  • convenience
  • privacy
  • digital age
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