IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart shows the
time
Use synonyms
 Australian
parents
Use synonyms
 spent helping their
children
Use synonyms
 with four different activities in 2013. First of all, the figures show that
mothers
Use synonyms
 were much more involved
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when the
children
Use synonyms
 got help from one single parent.
Mothers
Use synonyms
 spent most
time
Use synonyms
 helping their
children
Use synonyms
 with dressing,
whereas
Linking Words
 less
time
Use synonyms
 was dedicated to playing games alone with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most hours invested by fathers
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 related to homework,
while
Linking Words
 dressing was the activity they helped the less with. Regarding the activities where both
parents
Use synonyms
 were involved, playing games is at the first place, taking 70 per cent of their
time
Use synonyms
, followed by dressing and preparing for bed, for which both
parents
Use synonyms
 spent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of their
time
Use synonyms
. Playing games is
also
Linking Words
 an activity that
mothers
Use synonyms
 seem to prefer doing
together with
Linking Words
 the father rather than alone,
whereas
Linking Words
 preparing for bed shows almost the same percentage for
mothers
Use synonyms
 and for
parents
Use synonyms
 together.
Overall
Linking Words
,
mothers
Use synonyms
 are surely more involved in spending
time
Use synonyms
 taking care of their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, parents, children, mothers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • time spent
  • Australian mothers
  • fathers
  • helping
  • children
  • activities
  • reading
  • homework
  • playing sports
  • general play
  • comparison
  • 2013
  • significantly
  • difference
What to do next:
Look at other essays: