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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The money spent on space research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #space #research #mankind
Some people suggest that the
money
 they spent on universe
research
 has brought enormous benefits to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, but it could invest in
another important projects
Replace the adjective
another important project
other important projects
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. Personally, I totally agree with
this
 statement.
Firstly
, investing
money
 in researching
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space helps human have more experience and it
also
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 more knowledge about the universe
as well as
 the things surrounding the place they
alive
Add a missing verb
are alive
show examples
. They can find out and
discovery
Replace the word
discover
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 more new things in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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space
such
 as
meteorite
Fix the agreement mistake
meteorites
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, the rest of the rocket or something else about the planets.
For example
, in the past, the first human, who set foot on the moon to
discovery
Replace the word
discover
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 or
launching
Wrong verb form
launch
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 rocket and so on. All of
this
 discovery will open
Correct article usage
the human’s
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human’s
Change noun form
human
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 mind and it play an important role in the
research
 and develop science.
After
this
research
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 will
also
 learn more knowledge and they might be the next generation who can change the world.
On the other hand
, spending
money
 on
another thing
Fix the agreement mistake
other things
show examples
such
 as
economic
Replace the word
economics
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,
factory
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factories
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,
entertainment
Correct word choice
and entertainment
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 might be better. Nowadays, many people prefer having a quality
live
Replace the word
life
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the present to worrying about the future. They only care about their family and the way to earning to their
live
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living
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as well as
 take care
for
Change preposition
of
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 their family. So many people get
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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 and they will find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pleasure
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
Thus
, investing in
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 will bring more benefits than spending
money
 on space
research
. In general, science is very significant but I think investing in the present will bring more benefits to mankind and it could be more usefully applied.
Submitted by nguyencamnhi on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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