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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The money spent on space research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, when technology has increased, people want to discover more about the world and
also
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 the
universe
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.
As a result
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, many governments spent much
money
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 on
space
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 research to bring enormous benefits to mankind. But for me, I just partly agree with it because that cash could be more usefully applied.
Firstly
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, I will come up with why the
space
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discover
Replace the word
discovery
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 brought huge benefits to
humans
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. Most of
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money
Add an article
the money
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 for
space
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 experience was spent
for
Change preposition
on
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 building
the
Correct article usage
apply
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spaceships and satellites to discover the galaxy. As can be seen, experience outside the Earth is very hard but with the
money
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 spent on it, many important information about our
universe
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 sent to the Earth. Discovering
space
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 can help
humans
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 to know more about how everything around us
were
Change the verb form
was
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 created and what our
space
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 looks like.
Moreover
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, when our planet has to handle many effects like global warming or greenhouse effects which were created by mankind,
as a result
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, many scientists warn that our planet will be destroyed soon in the future. And the
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universe
Change noun form
universe's
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explore
Replace the word
exploration
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 will bring
humans
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 opportunities to find “another Earth” for our lives.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, I think that
money
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 spent
for
Change preposition
on
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space
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discover
Replace the word
discovery
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 could be more usefully applied. As an example, there have been many accidents when researching
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universe
Correct article usage
the universe
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such
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 as wrongly creating spaceships that
also
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 lose
money
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 and
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humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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of
Change preposition
apply
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governments.
Along with
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 that reason, that amount of
money
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 can be invested
for
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in
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 other fields like education, science and physics or concentrating more
about
Change preposition
on
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 the environment around us to preserve our planet.
To conclude
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, spending
money
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 on
space
Use synonyms
 research can bring much important information to mankind but I think the governments
also
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 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
humans’
Change noun form
humans
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 lives
of
Change preposition
in
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 their countries and
also
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 habitats to protect our world.

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