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Writing Samples /
Band 5

the money spent on space research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#money #space #research #mankind
Many countries in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern time take action in the race of
space
 exploration. A huge amount of currency was spent,
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society with numerous information.
However
, some people think that the
money
 can be spent more effectively
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other aspects, and I partly agree with
this
. The tendency of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 is to dig
in
Change preposition
into
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 the mysteries of the world, and outer
space
 is not an exception. Researching
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space
 can lead to countless development in different categories, and
this
 benefit
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the outcome seems reasonable.
Moreover
, knowledge about planets, stars and
zero-gravity
Correct article usage
a zero-gravity
show examples
 environment can totally bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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living
life
 to a higher level. Provided someday the Earth cannot handle the dominant growth of population, the finding of another planet’s
surviving
Replace the word
survival
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 conditions can solve both the environmental pollution and the demands of land for
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
.
However
, they are only the theories on paper. The more realistic actions should be increasing the living conditions of people and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 the neighbours through contracts and policies. Investing
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology is another
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
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, and countries may be more attentive to
this
. The
last
 purpose of any investment is to win, and in the case of nations spending
money
 to improve the quality of
life
, the biggest advancement is to provide civilians
a
Add the preposition
with a
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better
life
. So,
instead
 of chasing the benefits that only show its prices in the far future, why don’t the governments try using
money
Add an article
the money
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 for the poor? It is much more realistic and the advantage shows immediately. In conclusion, the world should explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
 in order to prepare for the far future.
However
, the
money
 should be spared to take care of the unlucky people so that they can have a better
life
.
Submitted by nguyencamnhi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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