IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays a growing number of boys and girls within normal weight ranges have an intense fear of gaining weight and therefore get anorexia. Why do you think a lot of teenagers have a strong desire to be skinny? What can be done to prevent this eating disorder?

#boys #girls #weight #ranges #fear #anorexia #teenagers #desire #disorder
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In
resent
Correct your spelling
recent
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 years , teenagers of normal
weight
Use synonyms
 have
fear
Correct article usage
a fear
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 of increasing
weight
Use synonyms
 , which leads to
get
Change the verb form
getting
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 anorexia. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss why boys and girls have a strong desire to be slim and fit
then
Linking Words
 I will move in to give some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 to
this
Linking Words
 situation .   social media is the key to the result of tending to be thin .
People
Use synonyms
 want to catch on 
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
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 eyes and follow the latest fashion trend .
Stars
Correct article usage
The stars
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 on the screen are so skinny and elegant .
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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, there are lots of clothes
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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 suitable for thinner
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, my friend always
complain
Change the verb form
complains
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 to me that she’s so fat . I know she wants to be the same as her celebrity .
Therefore
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 I believe that the issue is influenced by the entertainment industry. Most important of all, correcting the value is the first step should
people
Use synonyms
 do . humans have to know that beauty isn’t only about appearance ,but
also
Linking Words
 a health condition . If you don’t have a healthy body, you would not have a chance to enjoy it .
Instead
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 of losing
weight
Use synonyms
 , having a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
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 diet and regular exercise is more
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
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. It will improve your body , and make you have an optimistic lifestyle.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
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 parents have to teach their children the importance of health rather than focus on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance. In conclusion, the main factor to cause
people
Use synonyms
struggling
Change the verb form
to struggle
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 with their
weight
Use synonyms
 is
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
show examples
 of
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 correcting the value and educate by their children will solve
this
Linking Words
 problem
Submitted by maryamabugela on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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