IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotions and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

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Big companies utilize huge amounts for advertisement and branding so that customers get attracted to purchase the
items
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.
This
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 could be harmful to the local
businesses
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 as they can not afford to invest money in the publicity. To address
this
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 problem
people
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 and
government
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 should take steps to promote local
products
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. In the following paragraphs, I will explain both factors in the brief. One of the major issues of
this
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 condition is brand dominance as popular companies have big budgets to
market
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 their product, and they easily control the industry. Because of that small-scale
businesses
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 can not get recognition as they do not have the monetary power to influence the
market
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.
This
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 can lead to unfair competition since local shops do not get the platform to sell their
items
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.
Apart from
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this
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, famous brands provide discounts and offers on purchases so
people
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 tend to shop for those
products
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while
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 retail
businesses
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 do not afford to give concessions as they have less margin so their prices can be more costlier than those big brands.
For example
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, in India Amul Dairy has more dominance in dairy
products
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 as it is old and financially powerful in advertisement, they are everywhere be it on television, news, radio, and every medium, it
also
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 has higher popular faces to promote the business. there are better
products
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 available in the
market
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 than Amul but customers are not aware of them because of a lack of popularity. Significant measures should be taken to solve
this
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 problem, first of all, the
government
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 should encourage
people
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 to buy local
products
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. In
india
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India
show examples
, the
government
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 initiated the promotion of local
products
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such
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 as the handcraft of Kutch and Rajasthan.
Also
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, the
government
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 should give them a platform to showcase their
items
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, so that events, exhibitions, and fairs can be arranged to sell the
items
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. In the winter time in
india
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India
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, Tibetian camps are arranged for the development of the local Tibetan
products
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.
Apart from
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this
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 authorities can grant subsidised loans to the small industry so that they can produce more
items
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.
However
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, it is not only the responsibility of the
government
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 but the Individuals should start shopping at retail shops. In conclusion, renowned
businesses
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 are economically capable in the
market
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 to promote their business which can create challenges for the local industry. To reduce negative both the
government
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 and
people
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 should take effective steps.

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task achievement
The introduction generally presents the main issues, but it could be clearer and more engaging. Consider rephrasing to better outline the problems and solutions that will be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay provides some logical structure, transitions between ideas need improvement. Use clearer linking phrases to guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
task achievement
More specific examples of local products and promotional strategies would strengthen your points. Think of additional local businesses or initiatives that can enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases (e.g., 'can not' should be 'cannot', 'more costlier' should be 'more costly'). This will improve overall readability and professionalism.
task achievement
The essay highlights the challenges faced by local businesses due to large corporations and provides a reasonable overview of possible solutions.
task achievement
You effectively touch on specific examples, like Amul Dairy, to illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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