The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table describes the underground railway systems in six different cities. As can be seen from the graph, the ages of the subway systems tend to be proportional to the length of its
route
and
its
Change the word
the
show examples
number of passengers
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year. London Underground, the oldest system, has the longest
route
while
the second oldest one, Paris Railway, has the highest figure for commuters on a yearly basis. In terms of the age of the railway system, London Underground was opened in 1863, recorded as the earliest one, followed by Paris and Tokyo.
Moreover
,
Los
Correct article usage
the Los
show examples
Angeles station was launched in 2001, which is the newest one among all the stations. Turning to the length of the
route
, London
also
records the longest
route
with 394 km
whereas
Kyoto, which was opened in 1981, has the lowest length with 11 km.
In addition
,
it is clear that
a whopping 1191 million passengers
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Paris station every year, which is the largest number of travellers
while
the figure for Kyoto's and Los Angeles 's passengers is 45 and 50 million per year,
Correct your spelling
respectively
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
Submitted by nguyenvutrucmy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words route with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: