IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result electronic inventions such as the computer and television,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Less
activity
Use synonyms
 is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the major problems on the earth,but some
people
Use synonyms
 say that we need to find
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several ways to solve
Linking Words
while
Correct pronoun usage
it while
show examples
 others disagree.I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because I believe that we still have time to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain why I would agree. There are several reasons why I would agree less
activity
Use synonyms
 is the first issue in the world.Nowadays almost all
people
Use synonyms
 have television,phone,
computer
Use synonyms
 and similar electronic devices in their homes which are not boring even though they are used during the day.Maybe nowadays ,
due to
Linking Words
 the age of technology
Add a comma
,
show examples
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 work can be done at home by phone or
computer
Use synonyms
,and
as a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's healthy lifestyle is disturbed
due to
Linking Words
 less
activity
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 are getting many diseases because
Add the preposition
of
show examples
lack of the movement.
For instance
Linking Words
, overweight .Today millions of
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movement.If I give an example ,America is the country
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the most overweight
people
Use synonyms
 live .
Secondly
Linking Words
,working during the day and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 at the
computer
Use synonyms
 causes poor eyesight .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in order to avoid these problems and live
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle ,
peopleneed
Correct your spelling
people need
 to follow several rules.First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 should exercise after getting up in the morning .
For example
Linking Words
,exercising one or one
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
 half hours every day will help
people
Use synonyms
 not
overweight
Add a missing verb
be overweight
show examples
 .
Secondly
Linking Words
,if
people
Use synonyms
 work at the
computer
Use synonyms
 ,they should take a break every half hour and should do something else.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I have written about less
activity
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, I have made a few decisions about what
people
Use synonyms
 should do to follow the healthy lifestyle

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: