IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Reporting of crimes and other kinds of violent news on television and in newspapers can have adverse consequences. This kind of information should be restricted from being shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words.

#crimes #kinds #news #television #newspapers #consequences #information #media
In today's era of social media, it is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 difficult to hide any event from the general public.
Some time
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
 there are violent scenes which are not healthy to be seen by certain age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, perhaps better if not seen by anyone. We will put light on arguments related to
same
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the same
show examples
 topic in
this
 essay. In recent years a debate
have
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has
show examples
 sparked on controlling the broadcast of
news
 including violent content. I believe that
such
 information adds no value to the general public, but rather it spreads
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fear and other negative
after effects
Add a hyphen
after-effects
show examples
.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
such
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
, there are chances of creating a phobia in people at mass.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
this
 leads
distrubance
Correct your spelling
disturbance
 of law and order control in the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. So there is no good reason in showing
such
 unnecessary
news
 and reports to ordinary people. In my opinion, when
such
 strange
senarios
Correct your spelling
scenarios
 are shown, it helps the criminal in getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popularity or conveying their bad message to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. As creating an unrest situation is one of their
objective
Change to a plural noun
objectives
show examples
, which they achieve when
news
 channels inform
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 about it.
Whereas
 if
such
 violent crimes are shared only with
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
authorities
, it can bring a better impact. The
authorities
 can work properly on stopping them
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 again. If we act
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 smarter by informing only relevant
authorities
 about violent crimes,
it
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 can do all required for a safe society.
To sum up
, I agree with the idea of restricting the
news
 channel and social media
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 presenting violent crimes to
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public. As if do
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
, it adds no value
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
injects
Wrong verb form
injecting
show examples
 negativity and
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 stress in society. Which might affect law and order
authorities
 to do their work in stopping
such
 things.
Submitted by asifalin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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