The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, smoking is a solitary activity, and so is using a mobile
phone
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.
While
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smoking is prohibited in some specific places, mobile should be banned, too. The writer of
this
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essay disagrees with the aforementioned statement
due to
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the emergency communication and new global
education
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systems. It is vital to understand that the
phone
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is a multifunctional device so it will be necessary on some occasions, especially for emergency communication.
This
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means that in some urgent situations
such
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as calling 911, alert about natural disasters and sharing your location if you are in danger are highly demanded for mobile
phone
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.
As a result
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, mobile
phones
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will become life-saving tools and they may greatly assist you in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
your daily
show examples
routine. In summary, the use of mobile
phones
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cannot be forbidden like smoking, as it may put people's lives at risk. Another reason worth consideration is that mobile
phones
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support the new global
education
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system.
In other words
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, in some countries with poor infrastructure, students often depend on mobile
phones
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for
education
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, allowing them to keep up with important lessons.
Furthermore
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, by using mobile
phones
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, students can easily access some online resources
such
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as
e-book
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e-books
show examples
and tutoring apps. With
such
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support, students can become more educated and informed,
while
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also
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contributing to a reduction in illiteracy and an improvement in
overall
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educational standards. In conclusion,
whislt
Correct your spelling
while
smoking is an antisocial activity, the use of mobile
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phone
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phones
show examples
cannot be equated with it.
Therefore
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, the writer has shown some reasons including emergency communication and global
education
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systems to prove that banning
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phone
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phones
show examples
is meaningless.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main idea in the introduction. You did well but some sentences could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better by using linking words. This will help the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Check for small spelling errors and grammatical mistakes in your essay for better clarity.
task achievement
You mentioned important points about emergency communication and education, which are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your main ideas, which is good.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
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