Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination. While others believe that other factores like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factores #money #appearance

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some communities argue that

success

is the result of hard work and high motivation to reach the goal. Meanwhile, other societies think that other aspects

such

as money and good looking are essential. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will discuss both sides and state why I personally believe that

success

comes to a person who always struggling and never give up. On the one hand, rich

people

have a bigger opportunity to get the facilities for their

study

and personal care. Typically

children

Add the comma(s)

,children

show examples

who are born into

Add an article

show examples

wealthy family, they

study

high reputation

Add a hyphen

high-reputation

show examples

schools with extra facilities and prestigious equipment which is quite expensive.

Besides

they have extra time to take a course either curricular or extracurricular to enhance their performance, like taking a piano course, mathematics classes, and even beauty classes to support their appearance. Because of their privilege, as a result, those

people

have a bigger chance to get a job and wider relations to emphasize their business in the future.

On the other hand

people

who have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

determination and always fight for their desire will bring them to their dreams.

Although

they have limitless, commonly they always looking for another way to get closer to their purposes.

For instance

, a person who does not have enough money to

study

in the university

while

he wants to be a medical doctor

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

must pursue a scholarship for funding it. Indeed, he needs extra time to

study

hard and reduces their sleeping time.

Consequently

people

who always upgrade their quality will find

success

. In sum,

although

money and a good appearance give easiness to

success

, the spirit to always struggle and hard work is more essential. It will bring

people

to survive in work life and maintain their

success

for the bigger benefit

Change preposition

show examples

others.

Submitted by anonymous on Mon May 22 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?
Crime is a concerning issue in society which contributes to several adverse situations like one's identity information stolen by criminals would create a problematic situation for them. Therefore,it would have detrimental effects on communities.In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this trend and its effects along with a logical conclusion.
7.5
band
Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. devlpt of techno reduces crime Devlpt of techn encourages crime
Owing to the problem that the development of contemporary devices alleviates crime, while others think it's the opposite of the result which probably increases crimes in advance. Presumably, it has two sides of perspectives. However, in this topic, I will state my opinions in the following paragraphs.
4.5
band
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
When company inquires some new employees, administrator may asks for applicants' personal informations. This process might seems to be uneccesary, but often used for acquiring important aspects of what they are looking for. In this essay, I will be discussing both opinions.
7.5
band
Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.
In recent decades, many researchers have studied the importance of group-level cognition. Indeed, to my mind, there is, now, convincing evidence that group activities improve the intelligence of individuals. In this essay, I shall examine how research in team games and study groups supports this view.
4.5
band
These days young children spend a lot of time using computers, tablet and smartphones. Some people think that introducing children to technology at a young age is beneficial. Others believe that they would benefit more from traditional games. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
Nowadays very popular children spend a lot of time on the computer, smartphone, tablet, etc. They spend a couple of our with them. It is very popular to use them in society. The majority of other people believe that teaching children technology at young children is more pros. Some others think that more advantages to traditional games. Technology has more pros and cons. In this essay, I will discuss both views in my own knowledge.

Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination. While others believe that other factores like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. devlpt of techno reduces crime Devlpt of techn encourages crime

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.