the table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior managment in three companies between 1960 and the year 2000.

#percentage #participation #women #managment #three #companies #year

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The presented table depicts the percentage participation of

women

Use synonyms

in senior management in three different companies

since

Change preposition

from

show examples

1960 to 2000.

While

Linking Words

, Eastman has a quarter ratio, Barnes and

Macrohard

Use synonyms

have less than 10% participants.

Moreover

Linking Words

, after 5

years

Use synonyms

Barnes has grown to 10 percent and

also

Linking Words

continues

this

Linking Words

pattern for 20

years

Use synonyms

respectively.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, Eastman has a fluctuation in proportions in these

years

Use synonyms

but

Linking Words

finally

Add a comma

,finally

show examples

they have

one-fourth

Correct article usage

a one-fourth

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rate of

women

Use synonyms

participants.

In addition

Linking Words

Macrohard

Use synonyms

has

remain

Change the verb form

remained

show examples

steady for the first 5

years

Use synonyms

between 1960 to 1965.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the interest rose significantly to more than 50% in 2000.

According to

Linking Words

the data,

although

Linking Words

Macrohard

Use synonyms

increased slowly during the

years

Use synonyms

, it has the most bonus of

women

Use synonyms

in senior management

then

Linking Words

Barnes

take

Correct subject-verb agreement

takes

show examples

apart and

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

three-fourths fees and at

last

Linking Words

Eastman.

Overall

Linking Words

, during 40

years

Use synonyms

these 3 companies have different chunks in senior management with unsimilar

pattern

Fix the agreement mistake

patterns

show examples

It is clear that

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

dominate senior posts in

Macrohard

Use synonyms

by 2000.

Submitted by javadsaady1992 on Mon May 22 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words women, macrohard, years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

159 words

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the table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior managment in three companies between 1960 and the year 2000.

Some people focus on news in their country while others think that it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Computers and A.I. technology are incrasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You are working at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment in your letter describe the problem with the equipment explain how this problem affects you say what you want the shop to do