the table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior managment in three companies between 1960 and the year 2000.
The presented table depicts the percentage participation of
women
in senior management in three different companies since
1960 to 2000.
Change preposition
from
While
, Eastman has a quarter ratio, Barnes and Macrohard
have less than 10% participants. Moreover
, after 5 years
Barnes has grown to 10 percent and also
continues this
pattern for 20 years
respectively. Furthermore
, Eastman has a fluctuation in proportions in these years
but finally
they have Add a comma
,finally
one-fourth
rate of Correct article usage
a one-fourth
women
participants. In addition
, Macrohard
has remain
steady for the first 5 Change the verb form
remained
years
between 1960 to 1965. While
,
the interest rose significantly to more than 50% in 2000. Remove the comma
apply
According to
the data, although
Macrohard
increased slowly during the years
, it has the most bonus of women
in senior management then
Barnes take
apart and Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
have
three-fourths fees and at Correct subject-verb agreement
has
last
Eastman.
Overall
, during 40 years
these 3 companies have different chunks in senior management with unsimilar pattern
. Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
It is clear that
women
dominate senior posts in Macrohard
by 2000.Submitted by javadsaady1992 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, macrohard, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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