IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
There are a considerable amount of
people
 who opine that authority liable for the increasing obesity in
children
. I am completely against to
this
 idea. I oppose the view and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with question: Why some
people
 think like
this
? Their vastly different geographical zones, educational backgrounds and cultural beliefs and other factors are influence to their thoughts. And they think that the
government
 give them all of productions, meals which bring obeseness.
However
,
people
 will decide what to eat and what their
children
 eat. So we should know that the
government
 just do their job and help our country.
Then
 it is our responsibility to buy healthy
food
 to our
children
. To illustrate,
according to
 a research conducted by Tom Johnson from the University of Miami, he says: "Obesity is generally came from fast
food
, fat
food
 and fizzy water". These products gave us
government
 and after we buy it. But why? Because these drinks and foods became the delicious and habitual ones.
Thus
, our
children
 eat it, drink it. So there is not the governments' fault. They are our
children
 and only we must to feed them with useful meals. There are reasons to prove it.
Firstly
, how i said before they are our
children
.
Secondly
, the
government
 do not do works related to doing
people
 fatty.
Thirdly
, there is no sense to blame them. Because we know that in our century exists amount of junk
food
. So we just need to protect ourselves and
children
.
To sum up
 I can say that I proved my opinion. And parents must protect their
children
.
Submitted by muharodnoy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: