IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #managers #salaries #workers #company
The notion of senior
managers
 receiving significantly higher
salaries
 is a matter of debate. Some agreed that it is nicer to pay them high ,
while
 others argue that it will result in partiality and demotivation among lower-level employees.
This
 essay will discuss the points of my agreement.
To begin
 with, senior
managers
 shoulder greater responsibilities , making their higher
salaries
 justifiable.
In other words
,leaders are entrusted with critical decision-making and accounting for the
overall
 responsibilities of the organisations and their
expertise
 in strategic planning
such
 as risk assessment and resource allocation enables navigate complex challenges effectively.
Consequently
 , it will help retain experts and ensure companies' growth and stability.
Moreover
, higher
salaries
 reflect senior
managers
' years of experience and
expertise
 , which regularly benefit the organisation.To be precise, these individuals have invested a significant amount of time and effort, making them valuable assets to the company.Rewarding their dedication and
expertise
 with higher
salaries
 fosters a culture of professionalism and encourages the lower levels to strive for career advancement and
this
 ensures a competent and skilled workforce throughout the company.Ultimately , leading to productivity and a sense of competition.
On the other hand
, some opponents of
this
 notion think that it does not encourage teamwork and collaboration between higher and lower levels, leading to discords and an unhealthy environment.
For example
, an egoistic employee will definitely
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
envy his superiors , leading to dissatisfaction and lower morale and showing incorporative behaviour. In conclusion, higher
salaries
 are a good thing for senior
managers
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
recognises
Correct subject-verb agreement
recognise
show examples
 their increased responsibilities and
rewards
Correct subject-verb agreement
reward
show examples
 their experience and
expertise
.
Submitted by lakhanaberdar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a clear response to the task question, presenting various arguments in support of the viewpoint. However, some ideas are not fully developed and the essay could benefit from more elaborate reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the connection between ideas is sometimes lacking, and there is a need for more cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: