IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the proportions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit.

The pie charts below show the proportions of visits to Ireland last year by age group, and by gender and type of visit.
#show #proportions #visits #ireland #year #age #group #gender #type #visit
The given pie
chart
 illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of visitors in Ireland
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 by
age
group
, by sex and
kind
Change preposition
by kind
show examples
 of visit.
Overall
, it can be seen that people in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
 between 25 and 54 takes almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 and the majority of public visits
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 leisure purpose. It is important to notice, that people
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 25-34 and 45-54 have the highest figure of 23%.
In contrast
, 0-15 years have the lowest percentage of 6%. In
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
illustration
Add a comma
,illustration
show examples
 we can see that 83
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of visitors have leisure aims and only 4% of females have business visits. Now getting back to the detail,
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
 of 35-44 takes second place with 19%,
moreover
, the groups of 16-24 years have
exacly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 the same figure as
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
 of 66 and over which is eighteen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in total,
furthermore
, people in
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of 55-64 gets
last
 11% of
pie
Add an article
the pie
a pie
show examples
chart
. In the second
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 we left the
last
 proportion of male visitors that have business goals with
index
Add an article
an index
the index
show examples
 of 13%
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: