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Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related product are produced Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related product are produced Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features
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The picture explains the manufacturing of
milk
Use synonyms
 and similar goods
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be seen that production of dairy
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 begins with cow grazing and stops at selling
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end product at stores
To begin
Linking Words
,cows are reared on the farm for proper raw
milk
Use synonyms
 secretion ,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 collected and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
milked twice with
milking
Add an article
the milking
a milking
show examples
 machine, the
milk
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 thereby preserved in the refrigerator to cool
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 temperature and prevent it from spoiling .
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 the stored
milk
Use synonyms
 is thereby delivered to
dairy
Correct article usage
the dairy
show examples
 via
Use synonyms
milk
Correct article usage
a milk
show examples
 tanker In the diary room ,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 liquid is
the
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 converted into cheese, cream and butter as well
pasteurized
Correct word choice
as pasteurized
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
Finally
Linking Words
 , the
milk
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
then
Linking Words
 packaged in a container well sealed and disturbed to the groceries stores for sale and human consumption

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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