IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think that studying the past history can help us better understand the present. Discuss the two views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #two
History
elusidates
Correct your spelling
elucidates
 the crucial historical events
as well as
 the life of ancient
people
.
While
 there are some
critisisms
Correct your spelling
criticisms
 regarding the necessity of teaching young individuals the knowledge in the past since those are not useful for a fast-changing world encountering extreme weather nowadays. I am in favour of the lessons
people
 could learn from
history
, which could deter the younger generation from making the same mistakes,
as well as
 being proud of their roots.
To begin
 with, the most of regulations passed down from
antient
Correct your spelling
ancient
 times are not able to implement in
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 societies because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advanced technologies
drasticly
Correct your spelling
drastically
 change
people
's daily life,
moreover
, the instructions for farmers to harvest various plants in different seasons are not reliable anymore
due to
 unstable weather conditions.
For example
,
due to
 dramatic
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 local temperature
along with
 other natural conditions in some tropical areas, which cause a dramatic drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cocoa
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
,
in contrast
, many subtropical regions display an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
 plants.
Therefore
,
people
 need to find new patterns in
agreculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
agricultural
 industries
instead
 of following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional methods.
On the other hand
, I believe the acquisition of
history
 could derive various positive
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on youth, first of all, it allows young individuals to inherit their
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 from
ancestors
Correct pronoun usage
their ancestors
show examples
, and be proud of their roots, especially for those second-generation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
immigrants who are born and raised in other countries.
Secondly
, by learning
history
, young
people
 are able to stand on the shoulder of giants to have a better
views
Correct the article-noun agreement
view
show examples
 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and avoid many counterproductive results. Take the policy of birth control in China as an example, it provokes a large gap between the number of elderly and young
people
, which
foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 national productivity. To summarise, it is inevitable that many suggestions and events in the past could not be adapted in the modern world, in
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, I highly value the curriculums of
history
 since it plays an essential role to pass down unique culture and help descendants to avoid the mistakes be made in the past.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: